The destroyer archetype sounds frightening, but a deeper look at it lets us know it is and can be an ally.
The destroyer teaches us that all things must end. Our bodies’ age, relationships sour, we leave jobs, our pets die, children leave home, friendships end, etc. In our culture we often fail to acknowledge death until we are forced to. But an awareness of death can help us to see what is truly important to us and where our priorities need to be.
The destroyer has been strong in my life lately, from the recent death of my beloved dog, to relationships and jobs ending. The feelings of loss have been profound and I hope time will ease this.
The destroyer gets encountered whenever we experience a death or loss. For some of us this happens at a young age, and others don’t experience significant loss until midlife. But without exception, we all will face the destroyer eventually.
Illness, divorce, natural or manmade disasters, financial upheaval, death and other losses cause us to go face to face with the destroyer. The destroyer can come from outside of us or within us. If it comes from outside of us, we feel powerless and victimized.
So how can the destroyer come from within? When we make the choice to have endings, whether that be a relationship, job, or ending a project that is no longer satisfying we are consciously choosing the destroyer.
Do not deny the pain and grief of loss- give yourself the time and space to fully experience it.
Using the destroyer as an ally, ask it, what beliefs do I need to give up that no longer serve me? What relationships should come to an end? What old ways or addictions should I let go of? These are powerful questions to ask and to see the destroyer as a friend and guide.
Do not be afraid of the destroyer- it is a part of life! And, there is no avoiding all the little deaths we experience before our “big” death.
But, along with destruction and death, comes creation and life. The life/death/life cycle informs us of this¸ and the next archetype I will write about is the creator.
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Grief
I have found myself grieving lately. The feelings just wash over me and are strong. I feel the loss intensely at moments- usually by a thought that reminds me of the person.
Although my father has been dead for almost 20 years, I do not miss him (long complicated history!), and my mother has been deceased for almost 6 years now. Her last few years were very difficult and I do not miss the ending of her life. The other day I remembered her phone number and it hurt to know that I could not call and talk to her. Mom liked talking on the phone and we talked often, especially when I was living in Virginia and having my babies. I can see her now, sitting at the table, having a cigarette and talking on the phone. I can hear her inhale because she loved to smoke and talk- I think it was relaxing for her since she was always on the go. I would tell her about what is happening in my life right now- the cabin we built and how much we enjoy it, how Alex is living in NYC, Zach has knee problems and Lara is getting her license soon. Steve has a job he really enjoys and I started a clinic. I would tell her about Denise’s kidney cancer and Debbie and Meghan’s melanoma.
I would tell her that I miss her.
If she was alive I would take her to Bingo and to Culver's for chicken nuggets. I would take her for drives and to the graves of her family. We would drive by slowly past the house where she raised many of us. I would play sheepshead with her and she would call me an “arschloch”. She would tell me the significant stories of her life- her sister getting hit by a car in front of her, the boat ride to Germany with 4 small children, falling off a bus and breaking her wrist in Germany, being alone while Dad was in Korea, the deaths of her parents, the ice storm, “losing” Dad in Denver, and getting on the lottery show.
She would remember.
Why I feel the loss of her so acutely now I do not know, but I suspect it has to do with losing our dog in April. For many people pet loss is not on the same caliber as parent loss, and I am not sure it is for me, but loss is loss, and current losses can trigger older losses.
As I get older there will be more loss, more deaths. There will also be more births, new souls entering my life.
The life/death/life cycle will continue.
Although my father has been dead for almost 20 years, I do not miss him (long complicated history!), and my mother has been deceased for almost 6 years now. Her last few years were very difficult and I do not miss the ending of her life. The other day I remembered her phone number and it hurt to know that I could not call and talk to her. Mom liked talking on the phone and we talked often, especially when I was living in Virginia and having my babies. I can see her now, sitting at the table, having a cigarette and talking on the phone. I can hear her inhale because she loved to smoke and talk- I think it was relaxing for her since she was always on the go. I would tell her about what is happening in my life right now- the cabin we built and how much we enjoy it, how Alex is living in NYC, Zach has knee problems and Lara is getting her license soon. Steve has a job he really enjoys and I started a clinic. I would tell her about Denise’s kidney cancer and Debbie and Meghan’s melanoma.
I would tell her that I miss her.
If she was alive I would take her to Bingo and to Culver's for chicken nuggets. I would take her for drives and to the graves of her family. We would drive by slowly past the house where she raised many of us. I would play sheepshead with her and she would call me an “arschloch”. She would tell me the significant stories of her life- her sister getting hit by a car in front of her, the boat ride to Germany with 4 small children, falling off a bus and breaking her wrist in Germany, being alone while Dad was in Korea, the deaths of her parents, the ice storm, “losing” Dad in Denver, and getting on the lottery show.
She would remember.
Why I feel the loss of her so acutely now I do not know, but I suspect it has to do with losing our dog in April. For many people pet loss is not on the same caliber as parent loss, and I am not sure it is for me, but loss is loss, and current losses can trigger older losses.
As I get older there will be more loss, more deaths. There will also be more births, new souls entering my life.
The life/death/life cycle will continue.
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