Care vs Cure

I have been rereading Thomas Moore’s Care of the Soul, and some things are more striking the second time around. He talks about therapy/counseling as not trying “fix” someone or something- that our impulses, depressions, worries are ways our soul is speaking to us and we would do best to listen to our symptoms instead of only focusing on eradicating them. Those symptoms serve a deeper purpose that often is not easily noticed, but by taking our time and caring for our “symptoms” the nuggets of our truth, wisdom and soul desire will be revealed.

I already practice like this (caring vs curing) to an extent- when someone has great pain or loss, I know that I cannot fix their pain or make it go away, but I can sit with them through it, and offer ways to care for themselves in the midst of the pain. I know that the pain won’t last forever and that new life will come forth at some point. Our pain deepens us, and although it is seldom welcome, we are as much a product of our failures and disappointments as our successes.

Most things have a socially acceptable and a shadow side. When we claim that we are too dependent- are you sure? What does too dependent mean? Aren’t we all dependent on each other to some extent? Maybe you think you are too emotional? But according to whom? Maybe your strong emotion allows others to get in touch with their feelings. I believe that each of us are given the task to decide what is right for us- how much of this and how much of that, and as a therapist, I am a guide for that process, but I do not have The answers- those are within you.

So how do you care for your soul? By not rejecting those parts of yourself that you have a hard time accepting is a good start. Be gentle with those parts and see what gifts they bring you.

The caregiver

The caregiver within knows how to love and care for others. Although the caregiver has traditionally been seen as a women's role and the warrior a males role, we ALL need aspects of the caregiver and the warrior inside of us.

We are called to the caregiver by seeing another in need. The positive qualities of the caregiver are easy to see: warm, loving, concern and care. Hopefully all our parents embody some form of the caregiver because that makes a solid foundation for our young selves.

As with all archetypes, caregiver has a dark side also. It can be martyrdom and controlling behaviors. It can be a way to get our own needs met, by guilting others into doing what we think they should do. Some women over identify with the caregiver and believe that they have worth only in caring for others, and put their own needs aside repeatedly.

How strong is the caregiver in you? Has it changed throughout the years? Do you need more or less caregiver qualities? Who do you know that embodies the caregiver?