This month I will have been married for 19 years. It doesn't feel like 19 years, maybe closer to 10- which I think is probably a good thing!
So what have I learned about marriage over the past 19 years? I learned that it took me a long time to calm down and trust my husband- I am an adult child of an alcoholic and trust did not come easy for me. I am much more secure now than I was in the early years of marriage-what a relief! He stood by and stayed steady when I was insecure, and slowly those insecurities lessened. I accept him for who he is much more than I did in the early years- my compassion and acceptance has grown as my insecurities eased.
All marriages have their ups and downs so don't expect a Harlequin romance all the time but passion and intimacy can get stronger with time! When you both feel safe and accepted by each other there is space for much greater intimacy and being who we truly are inside.
I like being part of a team and having that built in support- my husband has my back in so many ways and he really watches out for me. When we were first married, we were at a water park, and I am not a good swimmer. We also had 2 of our little children with us. In the wade pool the waves came on and I was surrounded by inner tubes and I kept going under the water and I was not able to get myself to the shallow end, but I was not scared! I knew that my husband was watching out for me and he would not let me drown. I felt his arm around me and he pulled me in to where I could stand. Before I could see who had their arm around me, I said "thanks honey", and he asked how did I know it was him? I replied," I knew you would save me." And to this day, I know that he would still save me, in any way that I need saving.
Marriage certainly isn't always easy or fun. It stretches us in ways we never knew. It can be boring, stressful, disappointing and difficult. But it can also be fun, comforting, peaceful, passionate and challenging.
I am glad I chose to marry whom I did when I was a young woman and didn't know much about life! - he has been a near perfect match for me. The past 19 years have been about raising children, making a home and establishing careers. It will be interesting to see what the next 19 years will bring- because it will be very different- our careers are established, the kids are almost grown, and our home will be downsized soon! Hopefully there will be more travel, more time together, more individual and couple hobbies to be explored during the next leg of our journey together.
Happy Anniversary Steve!
