Many of us do not know how to communicate with our significant other, children ,coworkers, etc, and we don't really hear what the other is saying. Then we stop talking or it escalates into an argument. Here are some guidelines to help prevent that from happening:
- try really hard to listen without getting defensive! Difficult yes, but essential to understanding each other. Keep an open mind and don't take what is being said personally.
- reflect back what you think they said to see if you got it right. Do this in your own words, without defending yourself. You want to make sure you understand what they are saying and you can't do that without hearing them.
- after you understand what the other is saying, now you can respond about your perspective. Listen and respond more from how each of you felt versus what you did. When the emotions are understood, we really feel like we have been listened to.
- if you are engaged in a verbal battle, look for some points in each other's argument that you can agree with. This is a great skill for deescalating arguments!
- practice, practice practice. Learning to communicate differently does not come easily, but the rewards will be great!
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