Sunday, April 18, 2010

Existential guilt

I have considered myself an environmentalist for many years- since very early adulthood. I was recycling before it became implemented many places, I used public transportation (when available) or biking, I bought/buy things second hand when I can, visit the local farmers market and do some vegetable growing on our own, refuse to use chemicals on the lawn (it doesn't look pretty!), heat with renewable sources (pellets and wood), when I travel I try and do "low impact", bought a car with the best mpg within our price range (Corolla), and plant trees every year at our cabin.

But I have a voice in my head "it's not enough".

By the nature of being alive, we use resources, we pollute, we have a large carbon footprint. And that's where the guilt comes in for me. When I think about the other things I could do to reduce my carbon footprint, I don't know where to stop! Live in a hut off the grid, grow my own food, use bio diesel to run a vehicle, don't travel, buy everything used, heat with wood, etc. ? I spent a year studying with a "Voluntary Simplicity" group and I learned so much, but it was also the time the guilt started to appear over what I do consume.

So how do I manage this guilt? I recognize it, listen to it, but do not go overboard with the thoughts that I need to do more. I am here, I consume, I will have a large carbon footprint, and I do have some control over how I choose to live and the choices I make. I continue to recycle, buy used when able, purchase energy efficient appliances, change all the light bulbs, and drive less. Will I live in a hut off the grid? That's probably not going to happen, but I am impressed with the people who do make such drastic changes in their lives- true pioneers!

The answer for my existential guilt is to do what I can, but to not pressure myself to do everything. There are things that I don't want to give up (travel is a biggie!) and I make concessions where I can (recycle, drive less, try and eat local, etc), and I tell the voice in my head "I'm doing the best I can."

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