Resiliency

My son Zach had cartilage replacement surgery and he will not be able to run for a year while the cartilage heals and grows. This is a very difficult task for an athletic, always moving type of person. And it’s a huge loss for him. He will have missed out on most of his high school basketball career- the only full season he got to play was freshman year.

We try and help him see the up side of this- his knee should have a full recovery, he will be able to play sports in college/adulthood, and, well, that’s all I have been able to come up with! But he has a long life ahead of him and should have healthy knees to live that life to its’ fullest.

Looking for the silver lining can be so difficult. The disease, job loss, affairs, financial difficulties certainly don’t look or feel like a good thing when they happen. Their gifts may not be evident for some time, and sometimes, I have to admit, there aren’t any gifts in the tragedy or challenge we have been given (losing someone we love comes to mind). Often though, if we look we can find them.

What I have seen as a human and as a therapist, is that we are a resilient bunch. The cancer diagnosis helps you to care better for yourself and get rid of stuff in your life that is bogging you down, the affair leads to a stronger marriage, the job loss leads to you doing something that fits you much better, the painful divorce leads to you finding a partner that is a better fit for you, the spiritual crisis causes you to have a deeper spiritual connection after you work through it, etc.

Resiliency is a powerful human trait that helps us to be happier and healthier both emotionally and physically. A lot of research is coming out about all the good things resiliency gives us. Cultivating resiliency in yourself can be very powerful and lead to a fuller richer, more joyful life.

One of the best ways I have found to cultivate resiliency is to look for the silver lining. Where is the good in this? What have I learned from this experience that I will carry with me forever? How did this experience make me stronger or show me the strength I already have inside?

Training yourself to be resilient is good for you!