Muddling our way through relationships can be a difficult experience. Once we embark on an arguing defensive path with our partners, it can be very hard to change that trajectory. I see many people struggle with variations of this question- some just beginning to acknowlege that they have thoughts of not wanting to stay, others who are in the middle or on the fence and still others who feel strongly it's time to part ways. There are certainly no easy answers to this question and should never be taken lightly, particularly if there are children involved. I have seen people throw relationships away too quickly and those who hang on way too long. I offer up the following advice to help you with this decision making.
1. What have you tried to change things? When one partner changes, the other has to change in regards to the relationship. Try some new ways of interacting, and see if it mnakes a difference.
2. Identify the core issues in your relationship. Power and control, trust, infidelity, stubborness, passivity, lack of connection, etc. Whatever the core issues are there are different ways to improve those areas.
3. What do you want in a relationship? How are those needs/wants being met by the current relationship and how are they not being met? If possible, ask your partner the same question.
4. Imagine what life would be like without this person. How does it feel to imagine this?
5. What are your patterns of relating/wounds that you bring into this relationship? Identify them and work on yourself or you will repeat those patterns in the next relationship.
6. Do you have the energy that will need to be put into the relationship to turn things around? It takes conscious effort to change our patterns of relating before the relationship will improve.
7. Even if your partner will not go with you, seeking out a counselor to help you sort through the issues can be invaluable.
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